Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize