i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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