Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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