Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
