Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
