it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The Olympian is in my bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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