Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
