how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
