ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
