Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
