I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
