y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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