Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
