ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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