Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
