You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
