dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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