By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
