dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
