i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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