so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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