How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
