She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
