The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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