i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
