The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
