Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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