O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
