I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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