So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
