News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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