I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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