I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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