Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
