I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
