Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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