i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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