I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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