Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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