new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
