I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
