You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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