I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize