I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
