i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
