You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
