I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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