it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
