The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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