When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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