Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize