I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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