Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
