definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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