she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
