I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
