I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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