I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
