So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
