Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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