We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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