brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
