I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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