just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
