If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
