go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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