Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
