had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
