I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
